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Aviation humor from the
flight deck...
WARNING:
some of these are REALLY
bad. Rated "PG".
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A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes
he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell
me where I am?"
The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field. "
"You
must be an engineer", says the balloonist.
"I am", replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well", says the balloonist,
"everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."
The man below says, "You must
be in management."
"I am", replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well", says the man, "you don't
know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before
we met, but now it's my fault. "
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If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not
for you.
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Living on Earth is expensive but it
does include
a free trip around the Sun.
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A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey.
He orders a drink and while he's drinking it the monkey jumps around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off
the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks
it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy," Did you see what your monkey just did?"
The
guy says," No, what?" " He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!", says the bartender." Yeah, that doesn't suprise
me,"replied the patron. He eats everything in sight, the little bugger. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes
his drink, pays his bill, and leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders
a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink,the monkey finds a maraschino
cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted." Did
you see what your monkey did now?", he asks.
"Now what?", responds the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry
up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper. "Yeah, that doesn't suprise me," replied the patron. "He
still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that cue ball, he measures everything first!"
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Heard on the radio - Really!
Cessna: "Jones
tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel."
Tower: "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!!
Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!!"
Cessna: "Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the
fuel truck is."
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There are old pilots,
and there are bold pilots,
but
there are no old, bold pilots!
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